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I liked the concept of Ok Cupid’s “match percentages.” The site projects the compatibility of its users, assessing it on a scale from 1 to 100.I was a high match with a seemingly large number of men—quite a few of them were in the 99 percent range.This trickle continued for the next year and two months, averaging two messages a day.I didn’t just wait to be noticed: I also actively messaged others.The most mathematically promising one—at 99.5 percent—turned out to be one of my existing friends from law school.But almost immediately, I began to notice peculiarities about my experience.It made me feel that I was more likely to find someone with whom I actually connected—not just another pretty face.

I noted that my friends describe me as “sincere and hilarious,” “fun to do things with,” and “a great trivia partner.” I peppered my profile with jokes and references to climbing, yoga, learning, eating all of the things, and drinking all of the drinks.Theoretically, the online world offers greater odds of finding a partner than does a chance meeting at a party.Being online is like going to a party without encountering all the people who trap you in boring conversations.Meanwhile, online, I could decide between sites with free memberships, such as Plenty of Fish; paid sites with an older, more earnest clientele, such as e Harmony; niche sites such as and Gluten-Free Singles; and many others, all slightly differentiated by price, demographics, and objectives.I signed up for Tinder and Bumble—two apps with simple interfaces that invite users to swipe on pictures of people they find attractive—as well as Ok Cupid.

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